I am a dissatisfied being and the principal dissatisfaction is with myself. I know the next question is not why, but what are you going to do about it? Hopefully I possess the resources and the experience to make the little changes, adjustments, steps that are prerequisites for making fundamental differences. Governments always make the mistake of believing that a policy announcement, even a new Parliamentary law is going to change anything fundamentally without having worked out the step by step process how this is going to happen, over what period of time and the people and the resources required will be in place when needed, and they particularly never appear to allow for the way other human beings, who are not political or who do not have political agendas will pervert the policy, the law, the programme to suit their own interests and objectives.
The immediate action for this discourse was my failure to give appropriate attention to the twenty sixth game of level two chess and was defeated. Over the three hundred or so games, mainly of level one, I have learnt, or I believed I had learnt to avoid defeat by being prepared to use the back undo button, if necessary to a point when the whole game can take a different shape, and consequently defeat had been eliminated and the task was to avoid the dreaded draw, I had forgotten the big big rule for all those who come to hold some successful position for some time and assume that they do not need to continue to apply the same level of concentration, application, preparation, and whatever as got them to the successful position in the first instance. It does not matter if the level is that of Prime Minister or General, Chairman or Chief Executive of a business or financial corporation or conglomerate, a parent of a child, a car driver or an old man choosing which play or film to allocate finite resource and time, appropriate work beforehand is essential to avoid disappointment and dissatisfaction.
In the week to ten days following the death of my mother, and after some two months of willingly devoting single minded attention to her, something which was also for me, because I needed to do it as well as wanting to do it, I momentarily realised that I could go and do whatever I wanted within the limits of my work, funds and interests and booked up to go to some live entertainment during the month of October. I could have taken a proper break, gone on a travel, but I was not inclined to do this….wanting and needing to get back to where I had been in terms of everyday functioning before she went into hospital, but without the willing constraint of avoiding being away for 24 hours unless the activity was crucial to my work on being, in which instance I had to weigh the value of this against the concern about what was happening to my mother, stemming from that first Christmas after moving her North when I returned home after four days, three nights in London, to find her seriously ill, from which it seemed she might not survive, and which so reminded of what happened when I had not taken the first available train on that day in January 2003 when my aunt was admitted to hospital,
I had booked up to attend the performance of Don Mclean at the Newcastle Civic Hall which was a great success, the evening of Mozart at the Sage, and two plays at the Northern Stage Playhouse, the excellent Our Friends in the North watched some films at home and in Theatre, with noteworthy when did you last see your father, watched some losing sport on the telly from Cricket, to Football, Rugby and Motor Racing, enjoyed a cup of coffee reading a newspaper, which I am going to do shortly with a treat of toast, did some basic work and planned two major work activities and general thought about the future and private and public interests, duties and commitments.
Overall I can reflect that I achieved a good and satisfying balance which did not lead to me conclude that I should embark on any major step without prolonged consideration, planning and preparation. In my haste to get back to where I had been in terms of a living framework I had invested in one night at the theatre which on reflection I was not in the mood for and did not go, which did not matter because the sum involved was £5. I had used by last available credit card voucher for the cinema and by mistake gone to see a different film from that intended and which had been enjoyable and more fitting to my mood that day. Last night I left the Playhouse at half time. This may have been a mistake if the second half of the work achieved what the first half had miserably failed to do, and I returned home ruefully reflecting that the money and time could and should have been better spent, and beat myself up, mentally, over having not thought about the work sufficiently before booking.
I dislike doing what I have just done, so why do it? That is break off when I am full of thoughts which I know I can write about and wish to do so. I do know that I will not be able to return to the point of breaking off and which is so. I needed to go out in order to establish the discipline of doing so that when the DVD's of the Great War end I will go for the free weekday morning newspaper and any small quantity purchases at the supermarket and to ensure a copy of the paper I will need to be out before ten am unless it is raining when I will revise the timing of the walk. It has not rained in the morning for two weeks less one day although the pavements looked as it had rained overnight. It was warmer than yesterday but there were only feint patches of blue in an otherwise grey sky with a strong hint of more rain. At the station the announcer politely told the young man who had sneaked into the last carriage with his bicycle to get off as bicycles are not allowed on the metro system. This was new information and a good example of CCTV being everywhere with someone watching, but who watches the watchers?
The two papers and DVD acquired I went for a coffee and two slices of toast which for some reason cost less that the two advertised items on the menu. This is a one off experience as is the stopping for a cuppa, which will be restricted to very cold mornings when I have not had any breakfast before leaving home.
On the way home I was accosted in the street by a very young man in what could be a church army uniform. He wished to give me some news I think, about my soul. As I was reflecting on the state of my soul at the time, I did not want his interruption and politely explained that I was deep in personal; reflection and did not want to be interrupted. He insisted on walking with me and saying he wished to give me a leaflet. I said no abruptly, as I detest such aggression in the name of a deity, especially if it also about Jesus of Nazareth. It reflects an increasing aggressiveness in society of which the main post office in South Shields is the worst example in South Shields so most time most customers go in for something, or some things in particular the counter clerk attempt to sell them insurance, a credit card or some service. I have been meaning to do something about this since moving here but there were always other things more important. Earlier in the week the same thing happened at the bank when I went to pay in the settlement of the state pension for my mother.
I needed some milk and some bread rolls and popped into Asda only to remembered that had not transferred bank notes from the suit to the every day trousers. I had to use coin which I intended for another purpose. I decided against going to the pictures this week or thinking further about a half season at Newcastle or a full season at Durham cricket. This is both an issue of cost but also about time and priorities and doing things for the moment which will create dissatisfaction afterwards, and which nicely returns me to the theme of the day.
Last night, as I was saying, I left the theatre at the interval. The work was called Casanova although if this is a male name the play ought to have been called Casanove although traditionally the converse would have been batter. I was attracted to a play about the life of Casanova. I have seen nothing better since the 1971 BBC TV series written by Dennis Potter with Frank Finlay in the starring role, but I also liked the 1976 Fellini Film with Donald Sutherland and I have a Men of Destiny volume on his life, a work by Chevalier de Seingalt, translated by Bonamy Debree. I ought to have known that this was an experimental concept work for two three reasons. Casanova in this work is played by a young female actress whereas in most other works it is about an old man reflecting back, now where I have heard that approach before? Secondly it was billed as a comedy, and I usually avoid anything which sets out to attract an audience as a comedy. Thirdly the company attempted to get bums on seats by displaying the part of the naked bum of the lead actress although she admitted on local radio that this was a stand in. The radio show was about he fact that it was alleged people had been stealing posters of the play, no doubt to put on their student room walls, and certainly the theatre was more than a quarter full of students, mainly young women, given that it was about half full overall. Anyway I sat there for the first half saying I am not enjoying this, I am not amused, intellectually challenged or emotionally engaged. This is adding nothing to my life and I could be making better use of my time. I blamed myself for not taking more care before making the investment.
I was unsure that I had made the right decision when I attempted to book a ticket for a performances at the Sage next month, w eek Friday in fact. This a celebration of the Tube, a Newcastle music programme twenty five years ago presented by Jools Holland, Paula Yates and Murial Gray for Channel 4. The show" will include a production commentary on the first show, plus exclusively screenings special guest When I appeared to fail to complete a booking twice on the internet I gave up only to receive two tickets in the posy, one of which has been returned. The indications are that the performance is not well supported as the tickets were for rows two and three. Among the long list of performers who emerged through the five years of the show were , the Boomtown Rats, Big Country, Culture Club, Duran Duran, Elvis Costello, Frankie goes to Hollywood, Human League, Iggy Pop, Madonna, Meat Loaf, Paul Young, REM, Simply Red, Siouxie and the Banshees, the Jam, The Pretenders, Thin Lizzy, U2, Ultravox, the Smiths and on and on and on.
However while tempted to get a half season at Newcastle, given the progress being made in results, but not in the quality of the football, and at Durham given their progress, the latter at a fraction of the costs of the football, there is the question of allocated the time if I am to undertake a major work project which could move me into a new dimension for the last phase of my life, winning the lottery or a major premium bond prize being unlikely. Such a win will be necessary to buy a home in the new Ocean Village complex built out of a former industrial shipyard area which was already underway when I last visited in 2004. This is an upmarket residential and leisure development for those with lots of dosh. The Gibraltar radio news hour featured the development today together with the extraordinary development that GB airlines, operated by BA at Gatwick and been sold to Easy Jet for over £100. What this means in terms of flights from other airports and on price remains to be seen. It is such commercial enterprises that has driven the political changes between Gibraltar GB and Spain, and will in due course alter the sovereignty question and the composition of resident voting population changes. The thought of all this is very dissatisfying so I wills top and do something else.
The immediate action for this discourse was my failure to give appropriate attention to the twenty sixth game of level two chess and was defeated. Over the three hundred or so games, mainly of level one, I have learnt, or I believed I had learnt to avoid defeat by being prepared to use the back undo button, if necessary to a point when the whole game can take a different shape, and consequently defeat had been eliminated and the task was to avoid the dreaded draw, I had forgotten the big big rule for all those who come to hold some successful position for some time and assume that they do not need to continue to apply the same level of concentration, application, preparation, and whatever as got them to the successful position in the first instance. It does not matter if the level is that of Prime Minister or General, Chairman or Chief Executive of a business or financial corporation or conglomerate, a parent of a child, a car driver or an old man choosing which play or film to allocate finite resource and time, appropriate work beforehand is essential to avoid disappointment and dissatisfaction.
In the week to ten days following the death of my mother, and after some two months of willingly devoting single minded attention to her, something which was also for me, because I needed to do it as well as wanting to do it, I momentarily realised that I could go and do whatever I wanted within the limits of my work, funds and interests and booked up to go to some live entertainment during the month of October. I could have taken a proper break, gone on a travel, but I was not inclined to do this….wanting and needing to get back to where I had been in terms of everyday functioning before she went into hospital, but without the willing constraint of avoiding being away for 24 hours unless the activity was crucial to my work on being, in which instance I had to weigh the value of this against the concern about what was happening to my mother, stemming from that first Christmas after moving her North when I returned home after four days, three nights in London, to find her seriously ill, from which it seemed she might not survive, and which so reminded of what happened when I had not taken the first available train on that day in January 2003 when my aunt was admitted to hospital,
I had booked up to attend the performance of Don Mclean at the Newcastle Civic Hall which was a great success, the evening of Mozart at the Sage, and two plays at the Northern Stage Playhouse, the excellent Our Friends in the North watched some films at home and in Theatre, with noteworthy when did you last see your father, watched some losing sport on the telly from Cricket, to Football, Rugby and Motor Racing, enjoyed a cup of coffee reading a newspaper, which I am going to do shortly with a treat of toast, did some basic work and planned two major work activities and general thought about the future and private and public interests, duties and commitments.
Overall I can reflect that I achieved a good and satisfying balance which did not lead to me conclude that I should embark on any major step without prolonged consideration, planning and preparation. In my haste to get back to where I had been in terms of a living framework I had invested in one night at the theatre which on reflection I was not in the mood for and did not go, which did not matter because the sum involved was £5. I had used by last available credit card voucher for the cinema and by mistake gone to see a different film from that intended and which had been enjoyable and more fitting to my mood that day. Last night I left the Playhouse at half time. This may have been a mistake if the second half of the work achieved what the first half had miserably failed to do, and I returned home ruefully reflecting that the money and time could and should have been better spent, and beat myself up, mentally, over having not thought about the work sufficiently before booking.
I dislike doing what I have just done, so why do it? That is break off when I am full of thoughts which I know I can write about and wish to do so. I do know that I will not be able to return to the point of breaking off and which is so. I needed to go out in order to establish the discipline of doing so that when the DVD's of the Great War end I will go for the free weekday morning newspaper and any small quantity purchases at the supermarket and to ensure a copy of the paper I will need to be out before ten am unless it is raining when I will revise the timing of the walk. It has not rained in the morning for two weeks less one day although the pavements looked as it had rained overnight. It was warmer than yesterday but there were only feint patches of blue in an otherwise grey sky with a strong hint of more rain. At the station the announcer politely told the young man who had sneaked into the last carriage with his bicycle to get off as bicycles are not allowed on the metro system. This was new information and a good example of CCTV being everywhere with someone watching, but who watches the watchers?
The two papers and DVD acquired I went for a coffee and two slices of toast which for some reason cost less that the two advertised items on the menu. This is a one off experience as is the stopping for a cuppa, which will be restricted to very cold mornings when I have not had any breakfast before leaving home.
On the way home I was accosted in the street by a very young man in what could be a church army uniform. He wished to give me some news I think, about my soul. As I was reflecting on the state of my soul at the time, I did not want his interruption and politely explained that I was deep in personal; reflection and did not want to be interrupted. He insisted on walking with me and saying he wished to give me a leaflet. I said no abruptly, as I detest such aggression in the name of a deity, especially if it also about Jesus of Nazareth. It reflects an increasing aggressiveness in society of which the main post office in South Shields is the worst example in South Shields so most time most customers go in for something, or some things in particular the counter clerk attempt to sell them insurance, a credit card or some service. I have been meaning to do something about this since moving here but there were always other things more important. Earlier in the week the same thing happened at the bank when I went to pay in the settlement of the state pension for my mother.
I needed some milk and some bread rolls and popped into Asda only to remembered that had not transferred bank notes from the suit to the every day trousers. I had to use coin which I intended for another purpose. I decided against going to the pictures this week or thinking further about a half season at Newcastle or a full season at Durham cricket. This is both an issue of cost but also about time and priorities and doing things for the moment which will create dissatisfaction afterwards, and which nicely returns me to the theme of the day.
Last night, as I was saying, I left the theatre at the interval. The work was called Casanova although if this is a male name the play ought to have been called Casanove although traditionally the converse would have been batter. I was attracted to a play about the life of Casanova. I have seen nothing better since the 1971 BBC TV series written by Dennis Potter with Frank Finlay in the starring role, but I also liked the 1976 Fellini Film with Donald Sutherland and I have a Men of Destiny volume on his life, a work by Chevalier de Seingalt, translated by Bonamy Debree. I ought to have known that this was an experimental concept work for two three reasons. Casanova in this work is played by a young female actress whereas in most other works it is about an old man reflecting back, now where I have heard that approach before? Secondly it was billed as a comedy, and I usually avoid anything which sets out to attract an audience as a comedy. Thirdly the company attempted to get bums on seats by displaying the part of the naked bum of the lead actress although she admitted on local radio that this was a stand in. The radio show was about he fact that it was alleged people had been stealing posters of the play, no doubt to put on their student room walls, and certainly the theatre was more than a quarter full of students, mainly young women, given that it was about half full overall. Anyway I sat there for the first half saying I am not enjoying this, I am not amused, intellectually challenged or emotionally engaged. This is adding nothing to my life and I could be making better use of my time. I blamed myself for not taking more care before making the investment.
I was unsure that I had made the right decision when I attempted to book a ticket for a performances at the Sage next month, w eek Friday in fact. This a celebration of the Tube, a Newcastle music programme twenty five years ago presented by Jools Holland, Paula Yates and Murial Gray for Channel 4. The show" will include a production commentary on the first show, plus exclusively screenings special guest When I appeared to fail to complete a booking twice on the internet I gave up only to receive two tickets in the posy, one of which has been returned. The indications are that the performance is not well supported as the tickets were for rows two and three. Among the long list of performers who emerged through the five years of the show were , the Boomtown Rats, Big Country, Culture Club, Duran Duran, Elvis Costello, Frankie goes to Hollywood, Human League, Iggy Pop, Madonna, Meat Loaf, Paul Young, REM, Simply Red, Siouxie and the Banshees, the Jam, The Pretenders, Thin Lizzy, U2, Ultravox, the Smiths and on and on and on.
However while tempted to get a half season at Newcastle, given the progress being made in results, but not in the quality of the football, and at Durham given their progress, the latter at a fraction of the costs of the football, there is the question of allocated the time if I am to undertake a major work project which could move me into a new dimension for the last phase of my life, winning the lottery or a major premium bond prize being unlikely. Such a win will be necessary to buy a home in the new Ocean Village complex built out of a former industrial shipyard area which was already underway when I last visited in 2004. This is an upmarket residential and leisure development for those with lots of dosh. The Gibraltar radio news hour featured the development today together with the extraordinary development that GB airlines, operated by BA at Gatwick and been sold to Easy Jet for over £100. What this means in terms of flights from other airports and on price remains to be seen. It is such commercial enterprises that has driven the political changes between Gibraltar GB and Spain, and will in due course alter the sovereignty question and the composition of resident voting population changes. The thought of all this is very dissatisfying so I wills top and do something else.
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